It’s Demonic When…..

It’s demonic when someone keeps an abused woman bound in a marriage with her abuser. It’s demonic when someone twists the Word of God to keep her in the abuse or toxicity. Your faith and walk with Jesus are the most important things in your life. Raising children who will repent and put their faith in Him, to then go on and live lives that being glory to Him is one of the greatest things you can do. If you are allowing an evil man to destroy your faith or your children’s faith because someone in a pulpit told you that you have no other choice, this is demonic. In this blog post we will take a look at the Scriptures that this religious spirit loves to use against women who think they need to pray harder or endure a little while longer in a marriage where the enemy is using their husband to steal her peace, destroy her light and kill her faith.

What God has joined together let no man separate.

This is found in Mark 10:9 and Matthew 19:6 and is one of the standard verses used to keep women in bondage to destructive marriages. The Word of God is truth so when it says what God has joined together let no man separate we need to understand and obey. Does God join all marriages together?

What about the Muslim prophet Mohammed who married a 6 year old girl, groomed her for 3 years then had sex with her at 9? Did God join them together in marriage? What about the homosexual men who marry - does God join them together in marriage? Here’s where it can get tricky - especially if you’re in an unequally yoked marriage and have been made to believe that God will be mad at you if you don’t stay with the man who is making life miserable and destroying you and your children - Does God join together His daughter with an evil unbeliever?

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

For God to join together one of His daughters with an unbeliever, He would have to go against His word. God tells us to not be unequally yoked, therefore why would He yoke us? In the Old Testament, God tells the Israelites to get rid of the unbelieving wives they took because these women were causing the Israelite men to turn from God and serve other gods. God did not yoke these sons with the pagan women so telling them to leave the marriage wasn’t sin.

Ezra 10:10-11 Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel.
Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.

What about the other verses that tell a women to try to win her husband without a word or if her unbelieving husband wants to stay she has to let him? Let’s take a look at these verses.

1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Is this verse talking about an unequally yoked marriage? The Greek verb here for “obey not” is apeitheō and it means to disobey or refuse to be persuaded. This is a totally different word from what Paul uses in 1 Corinthians 7:12 “if any brother hath a wife that believeth not” which is apistos and mean unbelieving. This is the same exact word used in 1 Corinthians 7:13 that tells a women that if she has an unbelieving husband who wants to stay with her, she shouldn’t leave him.

1 Peter 3:1-2 might not be talking to unequally yoked marriages. It’s speaking to women who are married to men who haven’t matured in the faith or are being rebellious to the Word of God. God is telling us that our actions matter here. The way we treat him is what may win him to living a life marked with maturity and obedience to God. I discuss this verse in one of my books as if it pertains to unequally yoked marriage, because so many still believe that it does. The short version of what I discuss is this: The way you treat your husband matters over the words you say (action speaks louder than words). This verse was never intended to silence women or keep them with an abusive man.

1 Corinthians 7:13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him… Verse 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart, a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. Verse 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?

Many have used verse 13 here to keep women in marriages with unbelieving men who are abusive or toxic. They are told that unless their husband leaves, she must remain in the marriage. God gives us the ability to have discernment and tells us to rightly divide the Word. We are told in multiple places in the Bible to not be around evil men. Avoid angry men or men who cause trouble and chaos. We are commanded to not allow people who will only hinder our walk with God or our faith in Him to have influence over our lives. Bad company corrupts good character is a real thing - we can observe it happen in real time. Not one single time in the Bible does God say that none of these warnings apply to marriage, not once. He commanded the Israelite men to get rid of their pagan wives because bad company corrupts good character. It’s near impossible to be married to someone whose life is marked with sin and rebellion to God and not have that negatively affect you. This is why Paul ends this section by asking the question of how do you know that you will save your husband? When Paul says that you are not bound to the marriage in such cases, he’s not saying in this case, as if that’s the only one. He then goes onto say that God has called us to peace. You cannot have peace with a man who hates Jesus and tries to make your life miserable because you love Him. You cannot have peace with a man who tries to silence your faith or punish your walk with Jesus.

The women that Paul is speaking to at this time would have been mo jews. I would guess that the vast majority of marriages where one spouse was saved but not the other ended in divorce. The unconverted husband would have seen his wife’s faith in Jesus as blasphemy, he wouldn’t have tolerated it. This is why Paul says if he leaves, let him go. The unconverted husband that wanted to stay in the marriage would have had to have a genuine love for his wife, and quite possibly an open heart to this Jesus who changed her so drastically. God has called us to peace, not a life marked with constant strife and fighting. You can’t have peace in a home where you are being abused or punished for your love of Christ.

God hates divorce.

I’ve written a blog post explaining this and the demonic way it’s been used to keep women trapped in abuse titled The verse that keeps women trapped: rethinking God hates divorce but I will provide a brief summary here. The ESV doesn’t translate this part of the text in Malachi 2:16 as God hates divorce - there are legitimate issues with what the wording actually means. I go into detail on this and why even if the translators for the ESV are wrong, God hating divorce is actually God hating the abusive man who causes divorce, not the abused woman who protects herself.

For some of you, God is calling you to separation or even divorce. You can take the free marriage health quiz on the homepage of this website. Divorce is a serious thing, and not something that should be jumped into lightly, but God does not expect you to allow your life, health, or spiritual and emotional well-being to be destroyed by remaining in a toxic or abusive marriage.