God Has Called Us to Peace
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
1 Corinthians 7:15
Paul is ending a section on being unequally yoked in marriage here. I’ve seen 1 Corinthians 7:13 (and a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live her, let her not divorce him) used to keep women trapped in toxic and abusive marriages to unbelieving husbands.
But God has called us to peace.
You cannot have peace with a man who is abusive. You cannot have peace with a man who hates Jesus and hates you for loving Jesus. You cannot have peace with a man who punishes you for worshipping God in your own home. A man who actively tries to cause you to sin by provoking you, mistreating you, or working towards making your life more difficult is the opposite of peace.
“Some of you are praying for and trying to make your family work with a man who is being used by the enemy to steal your peace, kill your faith and destroy you and your children. (John 10:10).” Page 93 of Building on Sand: How a wise woman responds when the foundation is crumbling.
Paul later confirms this in 1 Corinthians 7:16 with “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband?” He states that you are not under bondage in such cases (if an unbeliever departs). In “such” cases implies that there are other cases. Paul doesn’t say in “this” case. We have the ability to use the discernment that God gives to us and His Word to know what the other cases are.
God hates when a man deals treacherously with his wife- Malachi 2:16. The Bible warns us to avoid men who despise those that are good, noting that these men will be marked with selfishness, pride, covetousness, blaspheming and lying. (2 Timothy 3:1-5). When you are married to an unbelieving man who hates Jesus, and tries to silence you regarding your faith, he is the man that 2 Timothy is telling you to avoid. The huband in this scenerio despises what is good and John 3:19-20 tells us the reason why: your light exposes his evil deeds.
If you feel that you have to hide reading the Bible or have headphones in to listen to a sermon or worship music, you don’t have peace in your own home. If you drive back home after church knowing that your husband is going to be in a bad mood and ruin the rest of your Sunday, you can’t have peace. Don’t allow him to stop you from living in obedience to God, teaching your children about Him, freely worshipping Him or saturating your life with Him and His Word.
If he is angered to the point of leaving because you brought Jesus into the home that’s on him. As long as you aren’t being “holier than thou” and purposely trying to provoke him, you’ve done nothing wrong. Your number one priority in this life is to live in obedience to God and mature in your faith and effectiveness for His kingdom.
You will need to live in full obedience to God in this. You will need to attempt to win your husband “without a word” 1 Peter 3:1-2, which means the way you treat him is what matters. You will need to learn to treat him with respect, having a gentle and quiet spirit towards him but that doesn’t mean you never speak up for what is right or enable his sin. Many confuse submissiveness with enabling. To submit means to respect and value his opinions and leadership in the home but enabling comes in when you blindly follow his lead when that leadership is directing the family towards harm or rebellion to God.
God does not expect or command you to martyr yourself by allowing an angry man to destroy you and your children. You are called to peace.
