It’s demonic when someone keeps an abused woman bound in a marriage with her abuser. It’s demonic when someone twists the Word of God to keep her in the abuse or toxicity. Your faith and walk with Jesus are the most important things in your life. Raising children who will repent and put their faith in Him, to then go on and live lives that being glory to Him is one of the greatest things you can do. If you are allowing an evil man to destroy your faith or your children’s faith because someone in a pulpit told you that you have no other choice, this is demonic. In this blog post we will take a look at the Scriptures that this religious spirit loves to use against women who think they need to pray harder or endure a little while longer in a marriage where the enemy is using their husband to steal her peace, destroy her light and kill her faith.

What God has joined together let no man separate.

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

1 Corinthians 7:15

Paul is ending a section on being unequally yoked in marriage here. I’ve seen 1 Corinthians 7:13 (and a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live her, let her not divorce him) used to keep women trapped in toxic and abusive marriages to unbelieving husbands.

But God has called us to peace.

You cannot have peace with a man who is abusive. You cannot have peace with a man who hates Jesus and hates you for loving Jesus. You cannot have peace with a man who punishes you for worshipping God in your own home. A man who actively tries to cause you to sin by provoking you, mistreating you, or working towards making your life more difficult is the opposite of peace.

I couldn’t even begin to estimate the number of Christian women who have stayed in marriages where they were being abused because of Malachi 2:16 (God hates divorce). Women who have allowed themselves to be run into the ground emotionally and spiritually by a selfish and entitled man who refused any accountability or change, because they believed that God would be angry with them for leaving.

I recently commented on an online video that spoke about it being okay for a woman to divorce because of physical abuse and how this verse in Malachi is wrongly used to trap them. I commented how Malachi is talking about God’s anger with men who treat their wives in a treacherous manner and was not intended to trap women in abusive marriage. “No good father is ok with his daughter being abused” was the theme of my comment. The original poster of the video responded with - go read the ESV of that verse. The words God hates divorce isn’t actually in the Bible.

Dirty clothes left on the floor right beside the hamper and beard hairs all over a freshly cleaned sink are the top two things that married women seem to complain about. These things, by themselves, can seem to be unimportant to the men who hear the complaints. The thing is though, it’s not just the clothes or the hair, it’s all of it.

Many men don’t realize the amount of work they cause in a home. They don’t notice the dirty handprints on the doors and cabinets from unwashed hands. They don’t see the dirt and mud tracked into the home from refusing to take off their shoes. They don’t think about the water bottles left everywhere or the dirty dishes they refuse to put in the sink or dishwasher. They leave the shower with towels on the floor, empty bottles in the bottom of the tub and washcloths or body sponges left unhung. They don’t clean the urine off of the toilet or floor or walls because they don’t pay attention to where it lands or clean up the mess. Women spend a great deal of their time trying to keep a home clean just from cleaning up the mess that’s left by their husband and children.

Entitlement is something that hides. You may not see that your husband has an attitude of entitlement until someone points it out and then you will wonder how you never noticed it before. It’s right there, plain as day, but it often remains hidden from many women for many years. An entitled man believes that he deserves privileges, service, forgiveness or control without the corresponding responsibilities, humility, or love that God commands husband to have. Here are some examples of entitlement grouped by category:

Some of you are married to men who are being used by the enemy to steal your peace, kill your faith and destroy you and your family. You are praying for God to change him, doing everything you can to try to strengthen the marriage and asking God to give you a heart that truly loves this man. Your prayers sound something like “God please replace the anger and resentment that I have with peace and joy”. You try to submit “better”. You beat yourself up every-time you fail. You’ve taken the responsibility for everything so everything is your fault.

It’s really easy to let yourself become overwhelmed with your to do list. Societal pressure is heavy on women to be perfect housekeeps and managers of the home. Many women feel like the sole responsibility for the state of their home rests solely on their shoulders- even when they also work full-time jobs. If you find yourself with anxiety when someone comes over and are afraid for them to see things out of place, even small things like beds not being made then you’ve adopted the Martha mindset.

Some of you are dealing with abusive marriages but it’s really hard to point to where that abuse is. Your husband doesn’t hit you, and he rarely raises his voice, but you find yourself walking on eggshells around him or feel like you’re responsible for his emotions.